Mark Sattler's self-penned biography about being banished, life, death, drinking, Seti and related matters

Message boards : The Lounge : Mark Sattler's self-penned biography about being banished, life, death, drinking, Seti and related matters
Message board moderation

To post messages, you must log in.

1 · 2 · 3 · 4 . . . 8 · Next

AuthorMessage
msattler

Send message
Joined: 18 Feb 13
Posts: 1440
United States
Message 64183 - Posted: 12 Sep 2015, 18:21:29 UTC - in response to Message 64182.  

[quote]Gawd, why even quit drinking if this is the result?

They don't know that until you're a year on and do a celebration. Normally though it'll also show in posting style.[/quoteI usually celebrate some crunchihng jubilees.
Not my lacl pf ce;obratrtptu ssuces.
This is not something I am proud 0f,
ID: 64183 · Report as offensive
msattler

Send message
Joined: 18 Feb 13
Posts: 1440
United States
Message 64184 - Posted: 12 Sep 2015, 18:26:55 UTC - in response to Message 64183.  

[quote]Gawd, why even quit drinking if this is the result?

They don't know that until you're a year on and do a celebration. Normally though it'll also show in posting style.[/quoteI usually celebrate some crunchihng jubilees.
Not my lacl pf ce;obratrtptu ssuces.
This is not something I am proud 0f,

Let's just put if off as 'less pissed off than ussual'////
That would work, eh?
ID: 64184 · Report as offensive
msattler

Send message
Joined: 18 Feb 13
Posts: 1440
United States
Message 64185 - Posted: 12 Sep 2015, 18:31:30 UTC

I have some kitty life to celebrate this year...........................
14 years of loving me...............
Now THAT is a celebration event.
ID: 64185 · Report as offensive
msattler

Send message
Joined: 18 Feb 13
Posts: 1440
United States
Message 64187 - Posted: 12 Sep 2015, 19:20:28 UTC - in response to Message 64185.  
Last modified: 12 Sep 2015, 19:24:13 UTC

I have some kitty life to celebrate this year...........................
14 years of loving me...............
Now THAT is a celebration event.

And somehow, being sober is NOT an event that brings me joy, somehow.
It just reminds me of the 40 years that I somehow wasted doing something else.
God led me upon this path, although he did not approve of it. He let me go there, he allowed me to find my way, although a sad one.--------
I'll give you this much...........and no more.
When I thought I was happy, I was not. Only inbetween.
And that is a very hard thing to admit after 40 years, my friends.
What I sought after my brother's jump off the bridge was total disbelief and disconnect. And I have done that pretty well.
Seeing him on the slab and kissing him there pretty much did me in from that moment on.
I am still very much a shadow of what I could have been, and I have come to accept that. Maybe I shouldn't. But I have.

Please just let me plod on with what is left of my life, friends.
I could have done worse. I thought about following his path many times, but never could go thers, because I knew then what it did to those left behind in the wake of his suicide. And no matter how despondant I may get, I shall always remember that, and not do that to the few that still love me.
ID: 64187 · Report as offensive
msattler

Send message
Joined: 18 Feb 13
Posts: 1440
United States
Message 64188 - Posted: 12 Sep 2015, 19:50:49 UTC
Last modified: 12 Sep 2015, 19:57:32 UTC

Something you should know.

There is, other than the kitties, one other thing in my life that brings me joy.

That would be Lori, the love of my life and my soul saviour on this planetary existence.

The only reason she understands and tries to help me is because I saved HER from such an existence years ago. Deep into the bottle, near death, I somehow drew her back. She has been 100% sober for some twenty years now, and thanks me every time time I greet her with her smile.

She knows every move I make, every lie I tell her.
We are kindred souls. She shall be recovering every day of her life, and I can only pretend to get there.

She is the only one who understands what I am, and what I am going through.
You, I don't think, do. You give me lip service and not much more.
According to Jord's thinghy there, he has been through this as well.

Hell is reserved for those who do not try to right their ways.
At very least I shall be able to stand up before my Lord and tell him that I did indeed try.

It was Hell that provided whiskey, the Lord above only gave us wine in the manner of his blood, as a sacrement to remember him by.
I have so abused the privelage of imbibing.
If I have failed, he shall understand that and forgive me.
ID: 64188 · Report as offensive
msattler

Send message
Joined: 18 Feb 13
Posts: 1440
United States
Message 64189 - Posted: 12 Sep 2015, 20:30:14 UTC

Another one of those,,,,,,,,,,well some folks will understand moments.
As Jord has had

I really did not realize how old Robin Williams looked just before.....................Him and Letterman,.

I am looking rather old, maybe I should...................................
ID: 64189 · Report as offensive
msattler

Send message
Joined: 18 Feb 13
Posts: 1440
United States
Message 64190 - Posted: 12 Sep 2015, 20:41:02 UTC
Last modified: 12 Sep 2015, 20:41:51 UTC

And Williams had moments of lucidity and realization before he passed, as have myself {not passed just yet}///..........

His bits about alcoholics are too true to the bone to be ignored even by myself.

Williams on alcoholics, himself included. Yes, me too.
ID: 64190 · Report as offensive
msattler

Send message
Joined: 18 Feb 13
Posts: 1440
United States
Message 64191 - Posted: 12 Sep 2015, 20:45:16 UTC - in response to Message 64190.  

And Williams had moments of lucidity and realization before he passed, as have myself {not passed just yet}///..........

His bits about alcoholics are too true to the bone to be ignored even by myself.

Williams on alcoholics, himself included. Yes, me too.


As he says.........
I CAN do it.........
Just not as well as the others, really.
ID: 64191 · Report as offensive
msattler

Send message
Joined: 18 Feb 13
Posts: 1440
United States
Message 64194 - Posted: 12 Sep 2015, 21:07:51 UTC
Last modified: 12 Sep 2015, 21:23:16 UTC

And.............
I am not there just yet.
But every second of every minute, I promise you I am getting closer.
No BS, my friends.

I am getting closer by the moment to the realization the alcohol is NOT my friend.

It has been for 40 years, or pretended to be.

It has cost me................
Several lives.
Many cars.
A few jobs.
Most of my life.
And almost the love of the woman I love the most.

That is a rough estimation of the cost over 40 years.

Not pretty, but that is real life.

One of my idols, Stevie Ray Vaughan, went through it.
Only his story was hard drugs.
He wrote a song about it, which all addicts should take hope in.........
Sorry, Jord, I have to break the rule again, I think you shall approve.

"goodby, my old friend...........
you went your way and I went mine.
That's how it happens living life by the drop."
My friend, Stevie Ray.

And then the copter crashed. I was on my way home that night in the fog.

Wish I had crashed and not Stevie. I really do.

But, God had other plans, and her I am today talking to you.

I suppose He wanted to send a few messages through me before I go,.
And you shall be the recipients......

I am at times, lost in my ways. Very, very lost.

I take consolation in the fact that I sometimes raach a few kind souls here on the Seti boards.

I could not survive without you.
ID: 64194 · Report as offensive
msattler

Send message
Joined: 18 Feb 13
Posts: 1440
United States
Message 64195 - Posted: 12 Sep 2015, 21:35:37 UTC

'Life by the Drop' is not an easy life.
It tears you apart from friends and lovers and life.
I can attest to that. It took me over some 40 years ago.

Lori and myself are at wit's end right now.
If I don't make the right moves in the next 24 hours, it's over, kids.
She has simply had enough.
And I cannot blame her at all.

Wish me luck, or strength.
Or hopes and dreams.
\\\

Whatever you can send my way may help........................
Life is done giving the devil my life by the drop.
ID: 64195 · Report as offensive
msattler

Send message
Joined: 18 Feb 13
Posts: 1440
United States
Message 64196 - Posted: 12 Sep 2015, 21:38:59 UTC - in response to Message 64195.  

'Life by the Drop' is not an easy life.
It tears you apart from friends and lovers and life.
I can attest to that. It took me over some 40 years ago.

Lori and myself are at wit's end right now.
If I don't make the right moves in the next 24 hours, it's over, kids.
She has simply had enough.
And I cannot blame her at all.

Wish me luck, or strength.
Or hopes and dreams.
\\\

Whatever you can send my way may help........................
Life is done giving the devil my life by the drop.

But, I need your help so very much or I shall panic and fail.

PMs...please send me PMs.
They crash the silence and make me attend to them.

Meow.
ID: 64196 · Report as offensive
msattler

Send message
Joined: 18 Feb 13
Posts: 1440
United States
Message 64197 - Posted: 12 Sep 2015, 21:53:03 UTC

And and a special note for some who understand...............
I was there that special day when SRV had his copter crash and nothing would ever be the same.

It just all ended then. No other guotarost has ever filled his [url=
ID: 64197 · Report as offensive
msattler

Send message
Joined: 18 Feb 13
Posts: 1440
United States
Message 64198 - Posted: 12 Sep 2015, 21:56:50 UTC - in response to Message 64197.  

And and a special note for some who understand...............
I was there that special day when SRV had his copter crash and nothing would ever be the same.

It just all ended then. No other guotarost has ever filled his [url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGrz6U4979c

Not even his brother, Jimmie, who has come a long way since then.
What I know about that day could fill a b0ok.
ID: 64198 · Report as offensive
msattler

Send message
Joined: 18 Feb 13
Posts: 1440
United States
Message 64199 - Posted: 12 Sep 2015, 21:59:16 UTC - in response to Message 64198.  

And and a special note for some who understand...............
I was there that special day when SRV had his copter crash and nothing would ever be the same.

It just all ended then. No other guotarost has ever filled his [url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGrz6U4979c

Not even his brother, Jimmie, who has come a long way since then.
What I know about that day could fill a b0ok.

The Last Show,,,,,,,,,,,,,
ID: 64199 · Report as offensive
msattler

Send message
Joined: 18 Feb 13
Posts: 1440
United States
Message 64200 - Posted: 12 Sep 2015, 22:12:10 UTC - in response to Message 64199.  

And and a special note for some who understand...............
I was there that special day when SRV had his copter crash and nothing would ever be the same.

It just all ended then. No other guotarost has ever filled his [url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGrz6U4979c

Not even his brother, Jimmie, who has come a long way since then.
What I know about that day could fill a b0ok.

The Last Show,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Meowsigh.
I really only wish that one day, when I pass, some shall say

Boy, he could really crunch.
Boym that man could really play.

And, I could back in the day.........Play, I mean.
Very special cover.......
ID: 64200 · Report as offensive
msattler

Send message
Joined: 18 Feb 13
Posts: 1440
United States
Message 64201 - Posted: 12 Sep 2015, 22:23:29 UTC - in response to Message 64200.  

And and a special note for some who understand...............
I was there that special day when SRV had his copter crash and nothing would ever be the same.

It just all ended then. No other guotarost has ever filled his [url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGrz6U4979c

Not even his brother, Jimmie, who has come a long way since then.
What I know about that day could fill a b0ok.

The Last Show,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Meowsigh.
I really only wish that one day, when I pass, some shall say

Boy, he could really crunch.
Boym that man could really play.

And, I could back in the day.........Play, I mean.
Very special cover.......

See ya in hell,kids.;
\\OK, I am going in the other direction, special path.
[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28XK3V3ACzc&index=4&list=RDITJJY1-M6fA] The Lord and me,,,,,,,,,we got an agreement. And the dev8os us hyst b8tb opiseed,l
ID: 64201 · Report as offensive
msattler

Send message
Joined: 18 Feb 13
Posts: 1440
United States
Message 64202 - Posted: 12 Sep 2015, 22:26:50 UTC - in response to Message 64200.  

And and a special note for some who understand...............
I was there that special day when SRV had his copter crash and nothing would ever be the same.

It just all ended then. No other guotarost has ever filled his [url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGrz6U4979c

Not even his brother, Jimmie, who has come a long way since then.
What I know about that day could fill a b0ok.

The Last Show,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Meowsigh.
I really only wish that one day, when I pass, some shall say

Boy, he could really crunch.
Boym that man could really play.

And, I could back in the day.........Play, I mean.
Very special cover.......
ID: 64202 · Report as offensive
msattler

Send message
Joined: 18 Feb 13
Posts: 1440
United States
Message 64203 - Posted: 12 Sep 2015, 22:30:25 UTC - in response to Message 64202.  

And and a special note for some who understand...............
I was there that special day when SRV had his copter crash and nothing would ever be the same.

It just all ended then. No other guotarost has ever filled his [url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGrz6U4979c

Not even his brother, Jimmie, who has come a long way since then.
What I know about that day could fill a b0ok.

The Last Show,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Meowsigh.
I really only wish that one day, when I pass, some shall say

Boy, he could really crunch.
Boym that man could really play.

And, I could back in the day.........Play, I mean.
Very special cover.......
Get back toto me when you can play t5at.

I can, brother./
ID: 64203 · Report as offensive
msattler

Send message
Joined: 18 Feb 13
Posts: 1440
United States
Message 64204 - Posted: 12 Sep 2015, 22:45:01 UTC

+ I can play.

And some days, I gets it on....................
[url=https://www.youtube.Right hcom/watch?v=28XK3V3ACzc&index=4&list=RDITJJY1-M6fA]
ID: 64204 · Report as offensive
msattler

Send message
Joined: 18 Feb 13
Posts: 1440
United States
Message 64205 - Posted: 12 Sep 2015, 22:47:53 UTC

You can?
I do not supppose you are able to, as I can.
ID: 64205 · Report as offensive
1 · 2 · 3 · 4 . . . 8 · Next

Message boards : The Lounge : Mark Sattler's self-penned biography about being banished, life, death, drinking, Seti and related matters

Copyright © 2018 University of California. Permission is granted to copy, distribute and/or modify this document under the terms of the GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.2 or any later version published by the Free Software Foundation.